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calmness of accepting defeat.

gotta hand it to them that we lost. we didn’t fight enough and we lost. that’s exactly why they don’t want to hear us, because we lost and we don’t really want to stay.

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hipo.

summer is here. days are getting warmer. another year has passed without her realising. outside is green and there is this bee that no matter what, still comes back and tries to stick his head through the window.

it feels the routinest of routine. glad that she has the best kind of friends that make the world more livingworthy. since started working at a hospital, realised there are so many ugly human behaviors. greedy and hypocrite type is most of them. i really lose faith in humanity totally, considering even those who call themselves ‘muslim’ are from that type. which proves you can’t ‘know’ a person unless you can see their heart. which is impossible. so those hypocrite muslims… i really hate them the most. just don’t damage it, please, will you? because this faith isn’t about pragmatism, isn’t about loving money,  isn’t about being a bloody materialist. just bowing your head 5 times a day isn’t praying salah. i know i can’t be the judge of that but if what they do hurts the islam, then don’t think it can be any good. nowadays there is this thing called ‘he/she prays salah. so he/she is good people.’ .. which is totally not true. i can give you lots and lots of names who pray but aren’t good people. they pretend to pray. because that’s what they think is expected of them. to fool people aroung themselves. i just wish they dont. you know what, there is this thing in islam that the most important of them all is morning and night prayers. because noone sees you. you do that not to fool someone but for allah. it is sincere. comes from the heart.

wish many do that but can’t really say very hopeful..

FİN.

whilst the eyes were closing, the mind wasn’t and assuming it was a problem, there needed to be a solution and you’ll find one. after everything that could be done was done, there was no other way but to accept and go along with it. when we are on a road that we know we aren’t supposed to, blaming won’t accomplish just anything because it doesn’t always mean there was some other to be on that was better.

first the seconds have passed, then the years.. then the time closing that chapter was there and you finally feel so free at that moment that you don’t even understand. things become clearer as more days pass and you say..

finally.

i say, finally.

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23:23.

here we go again. 23:23. dunno if you saw jim carrey’s number 23, but it was way too claustrophobic. that’s the feeling it gives off.

ramadan is here again. this time born to the very hot first days of summer, in kayseri. it’s already been a week. God. the time sure travels fast. it’d better, so that i can go back 872 kms to where i live.

lost the appetite to write.

Ramadan mubarak, millet. 

pessimistest so far.

I hate it when people actually feel like they can meddle into things they actually can’t. like the things we wear for internship at the faculty hospital. So, is it really such a big problem that our headscarves aren’t white but the fairest, the lightest green that you can’t even call the colour? And you say, ‘grey’, because you couldn’t come up with a colour other than it being not-white. A big problem really? Sure, it even effects the world! 

God.

Are we even going to give up loving power? Having the pleasure of holding the ropes? Telling people what to do and actually see them do it?

God.

I am really disappointed with the university i am in. Disappointed for being in this school for almost 5 years and seing nothing change, no achievements, no … 

Yeah, they tought me my job and how to do it. We’re all good at it, no thanks to you. But they also gave me backache, headache, stomachache, brainache and heartache. My eyes won’t want to open in the mornings, my hands won’t want to change clothes, my belly won’t wan’t to have breakfast and my feet for sure won’t want to take me to that place, every butterflying morning. They just don’t. I figured it’s the way my body is trying to protect itself.

I just want to graduate and never look back.

Sorry, kinda pessimistic. I clearly see that. Believe me, i do. But.. just don’t study dentistry unless it is Hacettepe or something. Because as far as i know, they actually ‘teach’ there, not ‘use’ you as a worker.

I made wonderful friends. That’s the only perk of this thing.