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yesterday was my birthday. dunno if it changed anything. was just like any other day, except hearing ‘happy birthday’s and the cake and the candles and all. do i feel like 24? well, i sure don’t feel or look. i think we’re looking younger and younger nowadays, time will come and 25 will equal to 15.

i have to study. but just dont want to.


i’ll study. listening to Cem Adrian. he is not much of an inspiration material with all his depressing lyrics but still.. his voice soothes and that counts.




i’ve just seen the movie of the manga i used to read and love when i was 16. although it was depressing, saddening and with no achievements, but still it was the best. it’s always touched till the depths.

it took me back to my high school years. though i had 3 wonderful years with joy, friendship, sometimes carefree, sometimes trying our best for some charity work .. still the last year which was when it was time to study for university exam covers them all. like a heavy fog. can’t reach the others.

and i’m going through that period again. for specializing. don’t know if it’s worth it. don’t know if that’ll ever make me make world better. but somehow i’m on that road now. stereotyped much? hope not. but i know ..

world is too small nowadays. not the city i live in. not the country i am from. not even the continent. the earth is small. then how small are we? how small are the worries that we exaggerate so much ..

Meaning Wanted

She doesn’t know why or how or if it’s about the angle she was looking at it, no matter what, the moon looked shapeless. So close to being full but awfully egg-shaped, with all the weird turns and all. One expect it to be perfect, since nothing else is.

4:4 am. Cloudless night. Sahur time. A very soft wind cleans your face while jiggling the leaves of trees in the backyard. One dog is barking and one other answering. With the first lyrics of the morning azan, they all start to howl. The lights on the minarats of the mosque on the other side of the public park are shining in yellow. World is still and beautiful in a complicated way. You’re happy and sad at the same time but know the reason for neither of them. You just want to stay there until it’s no longer dark but light and weather no longer cool but warm. Until your weirdly early waking upstairs neighboor showing up in her kitchen balcony with the fifty rugs that cover the floor of her house to be shaken out being her probably either most liked or disliked daily house chore since the first thing she does in the morning of 6 am is this.

Still, i like her. She bakes applepie better than you can eat anywhere. And i like apple. So i like applepie. So i like her. And she is nice. Just isn’t able to come to this conclusion even after talking about her very ill body for four hours that all she has is hypocondria. Still, i like her.

I need to sleep. So do the punks out there who probably don’t care who hears them or whom they disturb, because they are practically shouting at each other. I think that’s the way they ‘talk’, ‘communicate’ or they’re all almost-deaf, whatever you call it the reason, but that’s what they’ve been doing for the last 3 hours. Funny thing is that i hear them loud and clear, but can’t pick up the lines. God, now they’re listening to radio. Please, just go to your beds.

Anyway, my fourth year in dental school is over and i am officially a fifth year now. Yay. I wrote this sentence for myself, because i still can’t believe that that awful year is over. Tiredness, pressure, profs, tests, lots of patients, scrubs everyday, ditching classes because you’re too tired to go, long lost loving your major, being walking zombies…

just don’t study dentistry, ok? doesn’t worth it.

diş hekimliği okumaya kalkışmayın, olur mu? değmez.

anlam… bulasılara.

Remembrall in Need

When at home, we made a list of stuff to buy and I added ‘sugar’ too, since there was none. And my housemate said her family owned a sugar beet field, so she was ok to bring some. Well, one item absent, less money absent, that was cool.

Then we headed to the market, as looking around I saw the sugar department and said ‘Hey, we were going to buy sugar’, then my housemate said, ‘I said I’ll bring it, did you forget?’. Yeah, I had forgotten. ‘Sorry, slipped my mind.’

Then we paid for our stuff and headed to that other market that we always buy yoghurt and milk from. ‘What else are we in need, or is there anything we forgot to buy from the other market?’, other housemate asked. And I said again, ‘Hey, we forgot to buy sugar!’ .. Sugar beet housemate gave me an unsure look, appereantly she couldn’t decide whether I was kidding or I was against her bringing sugar. She never thought that I had forgotten again. But again, I had. So, she repeated that she was to bring some from home, ‘Your memory is like a fish’s.’

Next day, a friend of mine was with us, having tea. All three of us housemates don’t have our teas with sugar, so she asked if we had any sugar. I said, ‘No, we forgot to buy.’

aye aye captain!